


give my heart

by louminosity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Hermione Granger, Black Hermione Granger, Christmas Decorations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, First Christmas, Fluff, Lesbian Pansy Parkinson, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:09:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28169028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louminosity/pseuds/louminosity
Summary: pansy and hermione decorate their first tree together, the muggle way!but not without some pesky emotions getting in the way...
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Pansy Parkinson
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37
Collections: Fanatical Fam's: Holiday Fic Exchange





	give my heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anxiousgoat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anxiousgoat/gifts).



> this was written for the lovely abbey (anxiousgoat) for the fanatical fic discord fic exchange! i was so excited and honored to have been the one to write for them! abbey has been a huge positive force in my time in the discord so i’m very happy to repay the favor (if only a little bit)!! so thank you abbey, i really appreciate you and ily!!
> 
> as for everyone else, i hope you enjoy this fic!!
> 
> title insp: in the bleak midwinter

“I simply don’t understand why we have to do this by hand, Hermione. We have magic. It’ll go so much faster,” Pansy complained as she walked into the living room, hefting a plastic container. She plopped it on the floor next to the tree and dramatically heaved a sigh.

"Oh Pansy, don't be such a Grinch!" Hermione said, while untangling some tinsel. Her tone was more amused than anything else, but Pansy noticed something was off. She had been watching Hermione more carefully this past month ever since Hermione received news of her parents' location in Australia. Hermione had fervently been making preparations to travel once the new year rolled around. And when she wasn't busy making travel plans, she threw herself into work, saying that she wanted to have as much done as possible before the trip. Pansy knew for a fact that her department was more than capable to handle the load ever since overhauled and reorganized the department last year. She was more convinced Hermione's work was being used as a distraction from thinking about her parents. This weekend of Christmas decorating had been the first time in weeks that Pansy had seen Hermione even remotely relax, so she was on high alert. And if that meant that Pansy was less into the Christmas spirit, then so be it.

"A _WHAT_?" Pansy asked, baffled. She was truly and utterly bewildered, her grumpy behavior forgotten for a brief moment. "Hermione, what in Merlin's name is a Grinch?!"

Hermione grinned. "I'll show you once we finish decorating," she sang as she unraveled the end piece of the tinsel. Pansy huffed and looked up as if to gain guidance from a divine being.

The two made quick work of organizing the different aspects of the tree: lights, tinsel, ornaments, baubles, etc. Then came the hard part: actually putting them on the tree. Wrapping the lights around the tree took longer than it was supposed to since Pansy accidentally wrapped herself in the lights instead. But when Hermione started giggling, her eyes bright, something in the pit of Pansy's stomach loosened and she couldn't find it in herself to keep up her "Grinch-like" behavior, whatever that meant, and laughed with her. Once untangled and the lights sorted, tree decorating became easier. Hermione took quick, practiced work at looping the tinsel around the tree as Pansy sorted through the ornaments, both magical and muggle.

When she was a little girl, Pansy had loved all of her family ornaments. They glittered and glowed, they showed moving pictures of ancestors, they magically induced holiday cheer, there was no limit to what they wrought. However, there was one that Pansy had loved above them all. It was an heirloom that her grandmother had passed down to her mother. Pansy had held far more interest in the little heirloom than her mother ever did, her grandmother used to tell her. It was a special little thing and it was _hers_.

The ornament was encased in an intricate, gold-wrought, lace-like cage, but the ornament itself was a glass-blown egg that was opaque and shimmery red with gold flecks dusted throughout. However it was more than it appeared. It was able to open up and reveal a floating orb surrounded by a considerable amount of mist in the middle.

During a Christmas when she was very little, Pansy had sat on her grandmother's lap, enraptured, as her grandmother spun the tale. The orb was said to maintain memories of ancestors, passed down from parent to child. Only someone who shared the blood of the family and knew the spell to open both the egg and the orb could access such memories. Memories that spanned generations. But most importantly, it kept track of the family line, by having "living" representations within the orb that appeared once an ancestor had passed away.

Pansy remembered her first time traveling with her grandmother into the orb. It was a little tea party she had with her grandmother and several of her many times great grand parents and far-off cousins. Pansy had been allowed to visit infrequently throughout her life. One of her most memorable visits so far was a few years ago when she was struggling with her sexuality. She had found solace in talking to one of her great aunts–who had been an out lesbian herself– who had assured her far beyond her parents ever could that what she was feeling and that who she was and who she loved was valid and beautiful.

Her grandmother had passed during her sixth year at Hogwarts and Pansy had taken it hard. The only thing that got her through that first year without her were the various visits during school holidays and seeing her and talking to her in the orb. However, the representations in the orb were similar to those in magical portraits. They embodied a person's defining features and traits, but that was as far as it went. And as hard as it was to let go of her grandmother's spirit, Pansy was now at peace with it, or at least in a _far_ better place than she was during that first year.

When she was packing to move out of her parents' manor and in with Hermione, she knew she _had_ to get that ornament, among other trinkets and decorations. Even though her parents were aware (though did not necessarily acknowledge) that she was moving out, she still felt guilty. When her mother saw her delicately retrieve the ornament from its case in the manor's sitting room, Pansy felt like a child stealing a sweet when they weren't supposed to. After a brief pause of them locking eyes with each other, her mother had merely nodded at her and walked away. And Pansy knew that that was as good as an approval she was going to get from either of her parents about her relationship.

A squeeze of her shoulder brought her out of her reminiscing. Pansy looked up and saw Hermione smiling gently at her. Most of the ornaments were already on the tree. Pansy could see the little craft ornaments Hermione had made when she was in primary school. Little wooden stars colored haphazardly and wooden frames decorated with red and green glitter that held muggle photos of her or her parents. A few of her own were also on the tree. Multicolored baubles were spread throughout the tree to contrast the simple, white and gold lights and the tinsel.

"Just a few more and then we're done," Hermione said. Pansy nodded and moved closer to the tree to put the ornament up. 

She hesitated before turning to Hermione. "Why don't you put this one up?" she asked, holding out her ornament. Hermione's eyes widened in surprise. Although Pansy hadn't told her the full story behind this ornament yet, it was very clear that the ornament was special and very dear to Pansy.

Before Hermione could protest, Pansy cut in, "I'll hang up one of yours. It will be like we're... we're sharing a piece of ourselves to each other." Her voice was brusque and rough with emotion and she averted her eyes.

Hermione's eyes shone a little too brightly, as was her smile as she cupped her fingers under Pansy's chin, bringing her gaze back to her own. "I'd love nothing more."

Hermione went back to the plastic container and retrieved an ornament. It was made of clay and of a little Black girl reading, sitting crosslegged, on top of a pile of books on a red wagon. Though the inscriptions of the book titles were small, Pansy could make out the words, _The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe_ , _Shakespeare's Complete Collection_ , and _Great Expectations_.

"This was a gift from my aunt from when I was little. She was the one who had given me _Matilda_ , a muggle story, and I had completely devoured it," Hermione explained, as she delicately played with the ornament. " _Matilda_ was about a little girl who was a voracious reader. She soon discovered she had magical powers as well. And she used those powers to survive and unsupportive family as well as an abusive headmaster. It does have a happy ending in that with the help of her schoolteacher, she escaped her muggle family and was happy."

Hermione's gaze turned unfocused and wistful. Pansy found herself biting her lip to prevent herself from interrupting. Pansy had always struggled conversing with words that were not acerbic or petty or just plain mean. Ever since the war ended, Pansy had to take a good hard look at herself and who she wanted to be. Since then, she's been working on taking things slow. Instead of firing off the first (and usually scathing) thing that came out of her mouth, she breathed in and out. When she and Hermione started dating, Pansy worried she would say the wrong thing and then Hermione would leave her and... Pansy quickly shut that train of thought down. It would not do well to follow that path.

"I spent a lot of primary school sequestered away in a corner, reading or working on schoolwork to my heart's content," Hermione continued finally. "Most of the other children were wary of me, and I didn't seem to socialize well with them. When you're not what people expect... when you're too bright, too blunt, too abrasive, too dark—" Hermione cleared her throat, fingers clutching at the ornament tighter now. "Too _different_. And this was around the time I found out I had magic as well. Reading about Matilda was a relief and a godsend in a time when I really needed it."

Hermione took a moment to gather herself before looking at Pansy. She held out her ornament figurine. Pansy nodded, not trusting herself to say the right thing, and they handed each other the ornaments. Together, they put the ornaments next to each other, reflecting on where they had come from and where they had hoped to go.

Pansy and Hermione smiled at each other, before looking awestruck at the tree one last time. "Oh!" Hermione said. "There's only one last thing to put on. Could you get the kettle started while I finish up? I could use a cuppa after all this." 

"Yes, of course," Pansy said, kissing Hermione's cheek before walking to the kitchen.

As she waited for the tap to fill the kettle, Pansy found herself gazing outside the window. The sky was cloudy, not that that was so out of the ordinary for England. Getting acclimated to living in a muggle neighborhood took a long time. Pansy still felt like she had a ways to go. Just last week, she had been using magic to put their laundry on the line (at a time when she knew few, if any, muggles were around). The sudden noise of an ambulance rushing by their street had shocked her and she lost concentration of the clothespins and she almost took out one of their neighbor’s outdoor flower pots with the velocity the pins were going. It wasn’t all bad, however. The neighbors who owned said flower pots were a lovely elderly couple who Pansy (and sometimes Hermione, if her schedule allowed it) had tea with at least once a week. The first few times Pansy was so nervous, so afraid to say something to offend them, or worse, disappoint Hermione. But once she had started getting to know them, hearing their stories, being a part of their routine, Pansy felt quite at ease with them. It was really when she realized how much they reminded her of her grandmother that she really took to them. She still made mistakes, said things that she couldn't really take back. You don’t suddenly change into a different person when you want after years and years of anti-muggle indoctrination. However, that was slowly (oh so very slowly) wilting away.

Pansy had filled the kettle and put it on the stove but before she could turn it on (she had finally gained enough confidence to use 'elektrick' muggle appliances), she heard a loud rustling from the other room and called out warningly, "Careful now, darling!"

"Oh hush! It's alright! I've done this plenty of times, I'd like to have you know. And I didn't know I had magic before then either!" Hermione said back.

"I just worry is all," Pansy replied.

"And that's all well and good, but you needn't worry too much. If you're really that worried, you're more than welcome to keep me steady here."

"Keep you steady? Hermione, what..." Pansy grumbled to herself but abandoned the kettle to see Hermione teetering on the armrest of the couch, one hand clutching a star. Pansy merely raised an eyebrow.

Hermione looked sheepish but gave Pansy her best pleading look. "Just hold onto my waist, please. I did say this was the last thing and it won't take long, I promise! And after that, I'll be back on the ground as safe as can be!"

"Again, _magic_ , Hermione."

"Again, not the point, Pansy. Or should I say, the Grinch." Hermione gave Pansy her best pointed look.

"You keep saying that as if I should know what that means." Pansy gave a melodramatic sight as she walked towards Hermione. Hesitantly, Pansy placed her hands on Hermione's waist. Hermione smiled and awkwardly moved to kiss the top of Pansy's head. Not without a little trouble though. Pansy almost let go of her but kept steady at the last moment. She gave Hermione an unamused frown. "I would appreciate it if my adrenaline did _not_ spike right now, thank you very much," Pansy said primly, fingers tightening around Hermione's waist.

"Just checking your reflexes!" Hermione said cheerfully. Pansy just gave her an exasperated but fond look in response. She also made a big show of trying not to stare directly at Hermione's chest, which was somehow situated right in front of her. Pansy raised her eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop that," Hermione said in between giggles. "You're the one who made a big deal out of safety."

"That doesn't mean I can't enjoy the view, Hermione."

Hermione rolled her eyes, but shifted so that her body faced the tree. And despite a few close calls, Hermione kept balance and placed the star at the top. And if noticed that Hermione stuck her tongue out in concentration as she did so, then she didn't show it other than the purely fond look directly at her.

Hermione made a satisfied noise when the star was settled. "Hah!"

"Are you and your Gryffindor sense of danger ready to come back to the ground now?" Pansy asked, the bite in her tone more for show than anything else.

Hermione laughed a little. "Yes, dear," she said placatingly. As she went to step on the couch cushion, she lost her footing and with a yelp, she began to fall. Luckily, Pansy's hands were still on Hermione's waist so she was able catch her. However, the sudden weight of Hermione's body was still a surprise, so they tumbled to the carpeted ground, with Hermione settled on top of Pansy."

"Oomph," Hermione said when they landed, her dark brown curls bouncing out of their clips.

Pansy instinctively looked over her worriedly as her fast heartbeat started to slow back down. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm quite alright," Hermione said. And after a brief moment, she started laugh, which seemed to bubble out of nowhere.

Pansy pouted. "I don't quite know why you're laughing right now, you could have been seriously hurt!"

"I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be laughing." Hermione's hand covered her mouth as she settled down from laughing. "Just very glad for the Christmas season is all." Something in Hermione's voice faltered and she rested her head on Pansy's chest so that Pansy couldn't get a good look at Hermione's face.

Pansy's face softened and she rolled over so that Hermione rested on the floor beside her, but kept an arm around her.

"Is now a good time for me to ask you what's bothering you?" Pansy asked, raising an eyebrow. She tucked some of Hermione's curls behind her ear.

Hermione sighed. Her fingers lazily circled Pansy's shoulder. "It's just that... you know Christmas is my favorite holiday, yeah?"

Despite herself, Pansy snorted. "I could gather that, yes."

Hermione gave her a small smile. "The reason I love Christmas so much is because of my parents..."

Pansy moved closer to her, close enough so that their foreheads touched. She felt as well as heard Hermione's shaky breaths.

"I'm afraid I'll never be able to celebrate Christmas with them again, Hermione could barely get out through her sobs.

"I know," whispered Pansy, her throat thick as she tightened her arm around Hermione. "I know."

"I'm so... so _terrified_ that I'm going to make a mistake and I won't be able to fix it. I couldn't even _begin_ to forgive myself if something happened to them. Or what if they blame me for what happened and never want to speak to me again? Or..." Hermione cried harder and Pansy pulled her in close, Hermione's head nestled into the crook of Pansy's shoulder.

"Hermione, you have a big, beautiful heart, and an even bigger, incredible brain," Pansy whispered fiercely into her ear while slowly rubbing circles on her back. If somehow you, the brightest witch of our age, couldn't logic or... or _magic_ your way through... then I'm sure sure they could see what an amazing, kind, brilliant woman you are and that would _have_ to mean something to them." She just held Hermione until her breath calmed and her tears stopped falling.

"And if–emphasis on if–things don't go planned and they _don't_ see what kind of person you are, then..." Pansy's face flashed a caustic smile. "I'll have to ah, _speak_ on your behalf. It's been a while since I honed my persuasion skills on misunderstanding parents. But in all sincerity, if they don't come around, then we'll deal with the circumstances as they come."

"Thank you for that. That makes me feel better." Hermione smiled at Pansy gratefully. "But for now, come on, I've go a muggle movie to show you," Hermione finally said, pulling out of the hug and standing up. Her smile was still shaky. One hand wiped away the last of her tears and the other stretched out to Pansy, who was still on the floor.

Pansy took and when she got up, she said, "Yes, yes. Let's finally see what is this thing you keep bringing up. But so help me Merlin, if this thing is..." she stopped when she noticed Hermione beaming at her. "What is it?" she asked.

"I love you."

Pansy smiled and kissed her soundly. "I love you too."

* * *

Hermione groggily stirred. She didn't even realize she fell asleep during the movie. She was about to get up but now remembered that there was a warm weight pressed against her. Pansy's silky black hair brushed up against her collarbone and her body curled up to Hermione with a protective arm over her midriff. A blanket that Molly had knit them was draped over the both of them. A lingering warmth emanated from the blanket that Hermione suspected came from a recently-cast warming spell rather than the blanket itself.

She glanced around the room, getting some of her bearings together. It was dark. The only lights lit were the twinkling lights that circled the now-finished tree and the glow of the title menu for _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_ on the telly screen. A soft smile graced her face as she looked around and despite the cold air running through the flat, Hermione had never felt warmer.


End file.
